Dear Stan
I was wondering if anyone in Shetland knew that Steve Harley's nickname back home in the The Granite City was "Jap Sniper", for he always went down as if he was shot by one?
Neil Stewart
SS: Very Interesting Neil. Has Steve told you about a match a number of seasons ago when he went to hospital after a tackle? It turned out he had stubbed his toe - true story! So, I can quite believe his nickname! I think Steve likes to think of himself as Jaap Stam rather than Jap Sniper!
Dear Stan
Is it true that Davie White's fleeting appearance in the recent friendly set 3 records: shortest time spent on pitch, least touches whilst on pitch and first player to play in jeans?
Steve Harley
SS: Yes Steve, that is correct. Although in a match against Mean Machine in the recent past I do believe that during the whole 90 minutes he was on the field of play he touched the ball only once more than in the friendly you mention!
Dear Stan
My dad is always telling me about the time Shetland Banks won the league. Is he having me on?
Craig Spowart
SS: Are you sure it wasn't your grandad?
Dear Stan
Please settle a pub argument. What time does the Marlex close on a Wednesday night?
Aaron Priest
SS: When they see you coming, perhaps?
Dear Stan
I say that Shetland Banks went through a whole game without letting in a goal. My friend disagrees. Who is right? There's a five pound bet on this.
Colin Gair
SS: Tell your friend to pay up. Shetland Banks drew 0-0 with Chernobyl in July 2001.
Dear Stan
The writer of the previous letter says that he has a friend. I disagree. Who is right?
Jeremy Duncan
SS: This is one that always crops up. YOU are right of course.
Dear Stan
I am a keen footballer and would like to play for Shetland Banks. How do I go about this?
Edson Arantes Do Nascimento
SS: If I were you I would continue to play for Keen F.C.
Dear Stan
Two of my colleagues (both banks stars - Aaron 'route-one' Priest and Marvin 'slicer' Smith) are always arguing about who is the best player? Can you help put this argument to an end?
Neil Henderson
SS: Easy. I am the best player! I'm sure that answers your question. Seriously though, Aaron is the better darts player with Marvin having the edge at pool. If you're asking about football then I would have to say that Marvin has better positional sense and plays meaningful passes whereas Aaron playing football is senseless and meaningless. I'm sure your colleagues would both agree and shake hands on that verdict.
Dear Stan
Is it true that the largest recorded arse for a goalkeeper in Works League history belongs to Banks legend Victor Sandison (1998 - 2001), and do you know size of said arse?
Douglas Shearer
SS: Apparently, when Victor was younger, he went sledging on a hill on the outskirts of Lerwick. On one of the trickiest parts of the incline the sledge ran away from under him and he fell on his backside. The resulting indentation remains today. To find out the size of this then check out the local Ordnance Survey map and measure the dimensions of Sandy Loch.
